An Untimely Return
by RebelWade
Summary: Because what kind of EO fan would I be if I didn't cope by writing my own "Elliot Returns" fic? Angsty and a dramatic roller coaster bc I'm feeling emo today. One shot. M for one explicit paragraph... and because that's clearly all I'm capable of writing. ;)


Olivia says goodnight to Noah, turns off the light, and walks back into the living room where Tucker is on the floor putting toys away.

"I ordered takeout while you were singing your lullabies," Tucker says. "You should invest in getting yourself some voice lessons for the poor boy." He turns around to face her with an endearing smirk.

"I'd like to hear you do better!" Olivia counters. She flips on the TV and starts to scroll through her options. "Movie?"

"Sure," Tucker says. He finishes placing Noah's toys in their respective buckets and stands. He walks around the couch and kisses the top of Olivia's head before walking toward the hallway. "Find something good. I'm gonna go to the bathroom and wash up."

She chooses _Runaway Bride_ for her own amusement, starts the movie and pauses it, just to see what Tucker's reaction will be to the classic chick flick.

She turns to the door when she hears a knock.

"Wow!" she said loudly, but not quite shouting. "Where did you order from? That was quick!"

She grabs her wallet from her purse and fishes out the appropriate amount of money before swinging the door open in a movement almost as swift as her change in expression when she sees the figure at the door. Her smile drops along with her stomach. _Ten floors,_ she thought. The air leaves her lungs.

She has no idea what emotion she feels. Anger? Happiness? Sadness? Love? Hate? Relief? Betrayal?

If possible, she feels them all.

"Liv." His voice is so familiar it make her shudder. God, it's good to hear that word fall from his lips again.

It's when the money falls from her hand that she snaps back to reality.

"Elliot. What's wrong?" Olivia asks. She starts to panic. He wouldn't be here unless something was wrong… right?

"Wha—nothing. Nothing's wrong," Elliot assures her. And while relieved, now she's even more tense.

"Then… what are you doing here?"

Elliot sighs and leans against the doorframe. "Can I come in?"

"Why are you here?" she insists. It's the only thing she can think to say. She knows there were so many other things she needs to know but the only thing that matters right now was why he is here. Right now. Tonight. Why now?

"Is that the takeou—" Tucker's words fall apart when he sees the guest standing at the doorway.

Elliot's demeanor changes completely when he sees the IAB officer in his old partner's apartment. He straightens up, holds his head high, and scrunches his face. He lets himself in, walking past Olivia, face set toward Tucker.

"IAB at your place, Liv? You must'a done something really right for you to be investigated again."

"Stabler," Tucker says, nodding politely to greet him.

Elliot turns to Olivia. "So, what is it this time? What did you do?"

Olivia lets the door shut and she takes one step closer to Elliot. "Elliot, why are you here?" she asks again. Her heart is pounding through her chest so hard she can hear it.

His face softens towards her, but he looks back at Tucker, indicating that he can't talk with him there.

"I should go," Tucker says, picking up on the que.

"Ed, no. You don't have to…" Olivia implores.

" _Ed_?" Elliot asks incredulously. "We're on a first name basis with the enemy now?"

" _We_ aren't anything," Olivia snaps, then turns back to her boyfriend. "Ed, you can stay. It's okay."

Tucker shakes his head and squeezes Olivia's arm. "I'll uh…" he hesitates about his goodbye with his girlfriend's ex-partner in the room. He never quite knew the extent of their relationship or the details of their parting. "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

Olivia nods and Tucker leans in to kiss her on the cheek before stepping out the door quietly.

Elliot's jaw is dropped when Olivia turns back to him.

"You're _sleeping_ with him?" Elliot asks, heat seeping through his veins.

"Why the hell are you here, Elliot?" Olivia's voice is no longer patient.

"What is this—payback? You sleep with the man who practically cost me my job to get back at me?"

Olivia laughs a pathetic, humorless laugh. "Yes. Because I knew you were going to show up on my door step tonight…" She walks toward the living room, simply because she feels the need to walk away. But she whips back around at the edge of the couch. "You know what, Elliot? No. I'm not even going to give you the satisfaction of a sarcastic remark! No, I'm not sleeping with Ed to get back at you. _Nothing_ I do has anything to do with you anymore. _Nothing._ You made damn sure of that."

A thick silence fills the air between them as the words sink in. Olivia searches Elliot's features, and fall into his sad eyes, lined by a few more wrinkles than the last time she saw him. Though sad, his eyes are still honest and true. They are eyes that, even after all the pain he's caused her, she knows she would trust with her life.

Her chin quivers when he says the words she didn't think would be enough, but the words she needed to hear.

"I'm so sorry."

In just a few quick, impulsive steps, she tosses her arms around his shoulders, holding her best friend in a long-needed embrace. Tears fill her eyes before she can think about stopping them.

They both sigh into the familiar hug and Olivia let her tears flow for a minute or two before she wipes them away, shakes her head, and steps back.

She turns her back to him and walks to the couch, but doesn't sit down. She looks at the floor and runs her fingers through her hair with her back to him. She doesn't know where to start.

He walks toward her slowly with his head low. "I couldn't face you," he explains. "One look at you and I would have changed my mind but I knew it was time."

"I wouldn't have tried to convince you to stay," she cries. "I would have encouraged you to do whatever you thought was right!"

"Liv…"

She turns to face him. Tears stain her cheeks. "You just left…" she whispers.

Memories swarm her mind as she stares at her old partner.

Coffee.

Stakeouts.

Ganging up on Munch's conspiracy theories in the break room.

Interrogations.

Elliot losing control.

Arguments.

Laughter.

Stares.

Oregon.

Kidneys.

Middle of the night call outs.

Middle of the night talks.

 _It's you and it's this job._

Lies.

Even what should be good memories are tainted by his departure.

"I'm sorry," Elliot says as her scattered thoughts focus in again, and she almost feels like he's apologizing for ruining 12 years of memories, good and bad.

She breathes and decides on the most abundant of the emotions: betrayal.

"You should go." It comes out more weak and quiet than she meant and she hates it.

The break in her voice just about kills Elliot. His jaw twitches. But it's the only part of him that flinches at her request.

"No."

She rolls her eyes. "Are you trying to hurt me more?" she asks, fighting tears again. "I got over you— _it!"_ she corrects. "I got over it. I got over my best friend leaving and I moved on! I was doing well!"

Elliot stays silent and listens, allowing her the time to vent, yell, hit him if she needed. He gave her space to think and process, all the while staying within arms-reach to catch her if she broke.

"I grieved for weeks!" she says roughly. "Months, maybe! It would have felt better if you had died, Elliot! Because if you had died, at least I would have known exactly what happened to cause you to be gone from my life completely. I wouldn't have been left wondering why. Wondering where we stood. Feeling like all I was to you was a co-worker. Wondering if you left me because of… If it was a mistake…"

Her words taper off and he steps in, desperate for her _not_ to think it was because of that.

"It wasn't because of that night, Liv," he says in a breath. His hand reaches for her elbow. "Of course not." He decides that his pathetic explanation is needed, even though he's dreading it and he can seen her mind juggling a thousand thoughts at once. "I don't have an excuse," he says. "I wish I did. I was ashamed. I wanted to call you more than anything but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Then one day turned into a week, a week turned into a month, and a month… well, here we are. I was too proud to look like a failure in front of the one person I cared about failing in front of."

He's staring at the side of her face. Her eyes seem far away and he's not sure if she's heard anything he's said.

The tears fall again and she shakes him off her elbow. Her head oscillates back and forth in disgust as memories bubble up. She would have given anything two years ago to see him again in that cabin, but now? Screw him. She steps back, needing more space between them to make room for her anger. Anger enough for Elliot and William Lewis.

Her face is red and he can see more and more hurt developing within her.

"I needed you!"

She barely whispers it, but it pierces him so deeply she may as well have shouted it directly into his chest.

She tries to say something else, but nothing comes out and she has to turn away to hide her tears. She looks out the window and tries to focus on reality, tries not to get stuck in her flashbacks of that week. She breathes deeply, but her anger wins out and tears keep flowing.

Somehow, even with a five-year absence, he still knows what she's thinking.

"I was moving Kathy into her new house with the twins and Eli when he heard it on the news."

Shocked by the start of his story, Olivia turns toward him, still angry and confused, but now very curious to see where he is going with this.

"We pulled into the driveway and the radio came on with breaking news about the kidnapping. Kathy got out of the car and told me to go, to get there as fast as I could. I left with my car still packed full of her things. By the time I got to the precinct, you had been found. Cragen told me you were staying with Cassidy, so I went over there. He sent me away. Said I would only make things worse."

"No one said anything…" Olivia shakes her head in disbelief that maybe she could have been in Elliot's arms instead of Brian's. She could have had the one person she felt safe with instead of lying awake night after night in fear. The air in her breath suddenly becomes heavy, difficult to keep in her lungs.

"I wish you would have killed the bastard the first time," he says quietly.

Olivia breaks and a sob escapes from her throat as she reaches for any kind of furniture around her so she can break her inevitable fall. Elliot runs to catch her before she hits the floor and they find the ground gently. He holds her as she weeps and she relaxes into his hold, her head finding a spot in the crook of his neck.

He wraps one arm around her with the other cradling her head as she cries. He kisses the top of her head and breathes in the scent of her hair. "I'm sorry," he whispers. "I'm so sorry, Liv." He kisses her forehead, a need coming over him. He takes her head in both hands and kisses her eyebrow. "I'm so sorry." Her breathing is still labored, but her crying lessens as he kisses her cheek and she's intoxicated by his touch, his smell, his words, his presence. She straightens and her hands move to his forearms as he's kissing her jaw. He presses his forehead to hers. "I should have been there."

Their lips meet before either of them know what's happening. They both kiss. Both respond. A whimpered moan escapes from Olivia's throat and nothing could feel more right. She moves her hands to his back and pulls him closer as her tongue brushes his bottom lip and he eagerly welcomes her into his mouth. They hungrily and passionately consume one another and Olivia begins to feel lighter. The more she kisses Elliot, the more William Lewis fades away, until he is gone completely.

They part for air and their foreheads meet again, their breath mixing heavily between them.

"I love you, Olivia," Elliot tells her.

Her eyes pop open while her forehead is still pressed to his and she is brought back to her senses.

"I always have," he continues. " _That's_ why I'm here."

It's what she both hoped and feared.

Olivia pulls away and stares blankly at Elliot's pleading eyes.

"I can't count the number of times I would have given anything to hear you say those words to me," she says calmly. She takes a breath and sighs, runs her hand along Elliot's jaw. Then she stands and hears him do the same behind her as she walks a few paces away from him.

"I denied it even to myself for the longest time," she says. She crosses one arm in front of her and the other runs her fingers through her hair. "But you were my life, Elliot. You were everything to me. That's why the way you left felt so much like betrayal." Her voice cracks on the last word, but she maintains her composure.

Elliot walks up behind her, dying to be back in her embrace, but he waits.

"We went through so much together," she says. "So many ups and downs… And that night… When you left, I had no idea what to make of it. We… We never even talked about it. You never gave us the chance to talk about it."

She closes her eyes and remembers the warmth of his skin pressed against hers, his mouth devouring her breasts, his member creating the most satisfying friction within her core. She never lets herself remember that night, and thinking of it now makes her legs tighten.

And as if her memory was meeting the present, she feels Elliot's strong hands encircle her waist, and his chest meets her back as he holds her.

"It was twelve years of love and need that exploded into one incredible night," Elliot replies.

Olivia allows herself to chuckle and she turned around in his arms. "If I recall correctly, I _exploded_ quite a few times that night."

Elliot laughs lightly and nods in agreeance as he remembers. He was quite proud of that, but now wasn't the time to get cocky.

Her face falls before her next words. "But you held me back, El." It's the truth. But she knows it will hurt. "I couldn't have a life outside of you."

Elliot's arms loosen a bit and he pulls back slightly at her words, still unable to let go completely.

"I couldn't date. You would either scare them off or I would blow them off because they… weren't you." She takes his arms from around her waist and removes them from her body. "Since you left… Once I got over you… Elliot, I've had three serious relationships in the past five years." She looks over at the coffee table at a picture of Noah. She smiles as she picks it up and her eyes get watery again, but this time in happiness. "And I have a son."

She says it with so much pride and brightness that it gives Elliot a bit of life even in his sadness at her confession. He thinks her smile could cure cancer.

"I heard," he says, trying to conceal the sadness in his voice. "There's no other role you're more fit for than motherhood, Liv."

She's still smiling at the picture when she sets it back down and faces her old partner once more. Her chest aches and she breathes, but she knows she has to tell him the truth.

"You're too late," she finally says. "I have a life now. A life that I've built after you tore it down."

"Do you love me?" Elliot asks.

"Elliot, stop."

"Answer me."

She pauses and considers him for a moment. Elliot and his confession of love are standing right in front of her. It's what she dreamed about for more years than she cares to admit. But it's not right. Maybe five years ago, but now?

"It's too late," she repeats.

Elliot steps toward her and she looks down at the floor when he almost closes the gap between them. "Tell me," he insists.

She shakes her head before looking back up at him. She tells him plainly, "I always will."

"Then it's never too late," Elliot says.

She steps away from him again and heads for the door. "I think it's time for you to leave now, Elliot."

"Do you love _him?_ Tucker?" He thinks he knows the answer. He can win right here and he knows it. Tucker's just a fling. He has to be.

Olivia stops at the door and smiles. She thinks about walking in the park with Noah connecting them, hand-in-hand-in-hand. She thinks about Ed's way with Noah and his adoration of her. She thinks about his passion and the way he can say the wisest things in so few words.

"I don't know," Olivia answers, and she faces Elliot one more time. "I think I might."

Elliot's features drop a mile and he feels sick to his stomach.

"But either way," she continues, "at least he's here to give me the chance to find out."

After a beat, Elliot speaks up. "I'm sorry I hurt you, Olivia."

Her chin quivers a bit and she nods her acceptance, then opens the door to let him out. There's so much she needs to process tonight and she doesn't think she can take anymore.

"I don't want to go another five years without seeing you, talking to you," Elliot confesses.

"Then don't," she replies, matter-of-factly.

He walks through the door and turns back around. "Did you change your number? After Lewis and everything…"

She shakes her head. "I never wanted to change it in case…" She laughs to herself at how pathetic it sounds out loud. "In case you finally called."

He smiles and he knows his chance isn't completely gone even though he's watching the door close.

Olivia leans against the closed door and sighs her weight into it when she hears the ding of a text message come from her phone. She finds it on the coffee table and one of her good-but-tainted memories is revived as she reads:

 _I'd give you a kidney._

She can't help the stupid grin on her face as she hits send:

 _Not if I gave you mine first._

 **The end.**

 **I know it's not what the people want, but it's more realistic in my mind! If I continue this at all it will be another one-shot about what happened "that night". Hope you enjoyed the angst! I'm feeling all emo and dramatic today.**


End file.
